the ups and the downs...

The downs:

The thing that truly kills you as a fat person is the reflection in the mirror on an off day, the way something you love fits a little snug and the way your emotions slowly tear down what little self esteem you have left.

On my recent trip to Mexico, I found myself surrounded by endless drinks, buffets and mirrors galore.  When I say mirrors... I mean Mirrors. Full length mirrors on every wall in the bathroom and three full length mirrors in the room.  To top it off, these aren't your handpicked skinny mirrors (you know what I'm talking about ladies). All three of these in combination was enough to shatter my tough girl veneer. 

I weighed in when I got home from Mexico and I was 10lbs heavier then on the 8th of that month. Ekkk Gadddd!!!  I cannot even pretend to be shocked. Between my meds, the drinks and the buffet... I know exactly where each of these slimy little lbs came from.


The Ups:

I learned to overcome some of my self esteem issues while on this trip. I embraced shorts (which I haven't worn in 10 or so years in public), I trotted around in a swimsuit (amazing!!!!) without desperately wanting to apologize to the skinny people around me and to top it off... I allowed myself to have fun regardless.

The downer above was a really low point for me... and for me to be able to flip that pity trip and be better to myself was an life changing experience for me.

Now that I'm home its time to enact my plans for a healthier life.  With my body media fit on my arm and my head in the game I'm ready to start this journey.

I have a 5k on Saturday in Cincinnati. The color run!!! I cannot wait!!! Next year I will be able to run the entire thing. That is my starter goal. Just watch how far I go people... just watch ;)