Mixed thoughts on the page...

After many years of being overweight and battling with myself, I’m considering Lap-Band surgery. I’m not sure where this road may take me. But for the moment I’m considering a road that can really help me achieve my hopes and dreams.

Update: there's no way I'm hopping on the surgery train if I know I can do it on my own....and this I know. Cheers to the new adventure! 

There is so much to consider with this and I can't believe that I've let myself reach this place. 

In the past I’ve learned to almost overlook my weight. It was as if I accepted that I was always destined to be overweight.  That genetics put me here. However the real kicker is that I know what got me here. I recall the pizzas, the sweets and the drinks. I’m smart enough to put it all together but not strong enough to be able to control it.  It’s so self defeating and degrading at the same time.

All of this self-deprecation has really taken its toll on my soul.  I find myself hiding away from the world, depressed, filled with anxiety and knowing that I’m falling further and further into the rabbit hole.  My weight has become the thing that decides who what I do, whom I know and worse… It has decided who I am.

So who am I really? I think its time to find out.

Change your perspective and change your world

“You can do anything… for just 15 more seconds!” –Amy

These are the words my kickboxing coach spits out as I lay on the floor, covered in sweat, crunching my life away. 

That small phrase has resonated in a way I didn’t think was quite possible.

So what’s in a day?  It’s hours that are made up of minutes and minutes made up of seconds.  So if I can do anything for just 15 more seconds… Then the world should be my oyster.   And it shall be yours too.

So when you’re struggling… everything hurts… and all you want to do is quit. Remember “you can do anything… for just 15 more seconds!”

Health is the bane of my existence.

I feel like I’m trying but I’m stuck in my old ways of half assing things.  I think my problem in attached to the wording “trying”. “Trying” something healthy is much more like eating a healthy meal once to see if your stomach can handle tofu. “Trying” is temporary.

I know that I need a real commitment. Some kind of concrete change in the way I think about health. 

The one thing I do know is that I have to find a way to change how I think about myself and my health. Now if only I knew how to change that...