Kosama- Assesment day

Today was the first day of my Kosama journey.


Assessment day, Otherwise known as find out how weak and out of shape you are day.

So how was it??

For me it was a blast, but I often find fun in things that are not meant to be fun. When you enter the building you're greeted by several fit and fun people. You can tell that these people actually love what they do and because they love it... its possible that you might in fact grow to love this type of punishment as well.  That or its like childbirth and its so painful you forget everything except the feeling of joy as you leave the gym that day.  I'm hoping for option number one.



Assessment day was a day for learning. I learned the proper techniques for planks (ouch), squats, lunges, pushups and how to best play with kettle balls without getting hurt. 

The next step took me back to elementary school and the presidents physical assessment testing they did. How many can you do? how far can you stretch? how long can you hold yourself up?  I found that I am more out of shape and inflexible then I ever imagined.  I knew that I was a big girl going in... but I didn't think I was a weak girl as well. I always figured that underneath my flubber exterior was muscles with strength enough to hold my own.  However, when it came to dangling my weight from a TRX system and holding myself up with my arms... I clearly could not hold my own very long.


After the assessment came the measurements.

According to there scale I was 239.6 (which is fantastic knowing that I'm coming from 250), my body fat was 48.0% and my hydration was 38.1%.

Like going to the doctor... the worst part is always standing on the scale, in front of a twig of a nurse who doesn't know you, and letting her know your most guarded secret.  This too was true with Kosama's scale. What I didn't expect was finding out exactly what percentage of my body was fat.  After this... the scale at the doctors seems like a cake walk.


Overall, I'm excited and up for a challenge. This is going to be a massive change for me and I'm ready.

 

1-10-13

1-10-13

A good enough day as any for a fresh start…

I’m sorry father blog but it has been months since my last online confession.  I know that I left everyone on weight loss cliffhanger and that was exactly how I was feeling. Defeated, tired and hungry I had given my self a break from where I was heading and decided to focus a little more on the mental part of my struggles.

But now I’m back and with a better plan of attack.

I was silly to think that I could do this all alone and now I’m recruiting help. I have a doctor on board and trainer on my side.

Updates to follow.

Falling of the weight loss wagon you say?

Falling of the weight loss wagon you say? 

How about the wagon was more of a single wheel bike that was packed with c4 and on fire rolling down the side of a cliff… that would be more accurate then saying I was off the wagon.

I was set up from the get up as yet again as I jumped into a plan unprepared, not fully committed and packed full with drugs.

The failed plan:

1. Buy armband
2. Move more (although I really never thought that I didn’t move enough)
3. Eat less while trying to eat more often?? Silly me…
4. I’m sure there should be a 4^th and a 5^th  but not on this burning ride.

So I gather that I wasn’t prepared and probably not fully committed to the plan.  Add in two trips to the doctor and two rounds of steroids and you have a impossible goal of weight loss.

Now at the terrifying weight of 250 (OMG I know… ) , I take a look at myself and I’m crushed. Most people can see how they got there and count all of the late night meals, bars of chocolate and plenty of empty calorie drinks. I, on the other hand, only see each pill I had to take and each tear that rolled down my face as I stood on the scale and watched my emotional strength shatter.

So far the steroids have been a necessary evil as they were something that I needed for my health.  For me to be willing to take on 40lbs in a year and a half of steroids, you know that it was a not a choice and that the weight gain was somehow a small thing in comparison to how sick I was.

 So now I sit here, a diet failure and a pill side effect mess. 250lbs.

I’ve decided to open up my world and ask for help. 

1862

I'm so proud to see my little baby blog hit 1862... Im such a proud momma!!!

Nutritionist or Doctor

5:30 am is the perfect time for sleeping… Or, cleaning, dancing and blogging as it turns out.

One of the ideas rolling around in my restless head is what’s the next step for me?

I have goals…

One of those goals being the immense amount of weight that I need to shed from this frame.  Since coming home from Mexico I’ve had one excuse or another for why it’s just not happening for me.  While the unfortunate truth of the matter is that I’m the only person in control (or lack there of) of what I’m putting into this body or expecting out of it. Believe me this is not the revelation I was looking for.

Doing this alone, or winging it, isn’t working for me. I think its time to bring in a professional. Someone who has helped people fight off years of bad habits and self-doubt.

So the question is: Nutritionist or Doctor?

All feedback would be greatly appreciated :)

the ups and the downs...

The downs:

The thing that truly kills you as a fat person is the reflection in the mirror on an off day, the way something you love fits a little snug and the way your emotions slowly tear down what little self esteem you have left.

On my recent trip to Mexico, I found myself surrounded by endless drinks, buffets and mirrors galore.  When I say mirrors... I mean Mirrors. Full length mirrors on every wall in the bathroom and three full length mirrors in the room.  To top it off, these aren't your handpicked skinny mirrors (you know what I'm talking about ladies). All three of these in combination was enough to shatter my tough girl veneer. 

I weighed in when I got home from Mexico and I was 10lbs heavier then on the 8th of that month. Ekkk Gadddd!!!  I cannot even pretend to be shocked. Between my meds, the drinks and the buffet... I know exactly where each of these slimy little lbs came from.


The Ups:

I learned to overcome some of my self esteem issues while on this trip. I embraced shorts (which I haven't worn in 10 or so years in public), I trotted around in a swimsuit (amazing!!!!) without desperately wanting to apologize to the skinny people around me and to top it off... I allowed myself to have fun regardless.

The downer above was a really low point for me... and for me to be able to flip that pity trip and be better to myself was an life changing experience for me.

Now that I'm home its time to enact my plans for a healthier life.  With my body media fit on my arm and my head in the game I'm ready to start this journey.

I have a 5k on Saturday in Cincinnati. The color run!!! I cannot wait!!! Next year I will be able to run the entire thing. That is my starter goal. Just watch how far I go people... just watch ;)

sea turtles

Just got back from Mexico (Cancun... don't be jealous) and I couldn't wait to share with you all the amazing experience I had.  I was lucky enough to be able to release a baby white sea turtle into the ocean!!!

These precious animals are on the verge of extinction. These animals do not develop their hard shells until the age of 15 when they become adults.  This makes them extremely venerable to birds, sharks and other animals.  The worst killer is humans by far.  If netting them by accident isn't bad enough... people also eat these turtles regardless of their fragile status on the engendered list.

I cannot tell you how this once in a lifetime experience has bettered my life. The turtles happened to hatch the morning of our last day in Cancun. The community waited to release these turtles into the ocean at night. Without doing this most of the 86 baby turtles would have been picked up by the crabs, seagulls, pelicans and racoons all waiting for them. Releasing them at night gave them a higher chance of survival from the get go.

My husband and I got to name our turtles... Hector was my husbands and Mantequilla (yes that's butter in Spanish. Its the prettiest Spanish name I know :)  was my little turtle. Watching her flap in my hands, ready to take on the world, made my heart flutter. Letting her go... was so hard knowing her chances. watching her run to the ocean and take on her life... AMAZING!!!

Mantequilla.... I wish you the best of luck in this crazy world and I hope that in 15 years you'll get the chance to continue the chain of life.